The rare truth about family and friends.

So this could be quite a touchy blog, one reason is because I would like to get it off my chest and two, I’ve had a good friend speak to me about the same situation. I think many new mums and dads feel the same way but we never actually say anything. Like one of my long time friends mentioned ‘she wished she said something sooner’.

So Jamie and I have been seeing each other for nearly 7 years, school sweethearts some might say. I used to stay at his mums and dads and vice versa. I got on with his mum and dad but never really spoke much, just little conversations here and there. You never have that relationship with your in-laws as you do your own parents. (some may differ).

The time came when we found out I was pregnant and we went on holiday and we decided to tell our parents when we came back. Jamie’s mum and dad cried and was over the moon and my mum already knew (I guess its a mum thing) but my dad was shocked. I could understand though, his words were “but your my baby girl”, however what my dad doesn’t know is that I’ll always be his baby girl and that this is my next step of growing up. After a few days he came round and I would say he was more excited than anybody else. If your as close as my Dad and I, I reckon most dads will act the same. Throughout pregnancy you start to see who cares and who starts fading out. My mum and dad, got us everything we could possibly want and others got us things we asked for.

A lot of my friends are or have started their own families and its nice that we do pop up and chat, it’s amazing that having not spoken to one and another we have something ‘in common’. I know who is there for Jamie, Zachary and I and I’ll be forever grateful but if your not going to make an effort with us then why should we? If you miss Zac growing up then that’s your own fault not ours. It will show when Zac is older, he will be aware of who he knows and who he doesn’t. So if you don’t have relationships with people in your family and feel pressured then stand up and be honest. If they really knew what you was feeling they should accept your decision regardless of whether they think its right or wrong.

At the end of day this is our baby and if we don’t feel confident or comfortable in anyone, blood or not, looking after our baby then we don’t have too. I feel like I’m being rushed into work so people can look after him but truthfully at this very minute I am going to work around Zac. My mum is going to look after him when I am at work and that’s my final decision and that’s what I feel comfortable with. Until Zachary can start doing things for himself and tell people how he’s feeling then maybe just maybe I’ll consider other people to have him.

This is your baby and now your a mother/father you do what your heart says.

YOU do what you feel comfortable with and enjoy the time you have with your little one. People will only make the effort if they want to, don’t go out your way too see them.

How affordable is a baby?

Before Zachary was even conceived we had the ‘talk’, can we even afford a baby?. At that time no we couldn’t. I had no savings and we had outgoings on the house and cars. I spent most nights working out on paper what my outgoings were and would be if I had a baby. Yes there is a calculator on the internet to see how much a baby would cost and how much you’ll need to save, and my figures weren’t coming anywhere close.

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/baby-costs-calculator

That link above just asks what you would spend on the general items you need for a baby. For example ‘cot bed’, so I searched the internet for the cot bed I would like and rounded it up and put the amount in. I did this on every item and I was truly shocked and on my hand written notes I wrote a big ‘NOT GOING TO HAPPEN’. That was that thinking about having a baby was out the window. I tried saving as much as I could but according to that website it just wasn’t enough. Would I ever be able to have a family?

So when we found out I was pregnant the question was asked again ‘can we afford this baby?’ Back again looking at my notes that I aggressively crossed out, making a few adjustments and it was still a big ‘NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!’ Ahhhhh. What are we going to do? This little baby is counting on us, but we just had to think positive. There’s people in the world that are a lot worse off and still manage to raise a child perfectly. So we had to think to ourselves, do we need everything brand new? Well that answer is easy, and no we don’t, at the end of the day your baby will grow out of a lot of stuff or ruin quite a lot of stuff. To be truthful we got a lot of things on facebook market, just type in what your looking for and see what’s nearby. We went to the peoples houses just to make sure if it was in good condition, didn’t have to be perfect, just clean and we brought most things half price than they are on the highstreets. So here are my top 5 things I think are essential.

Number 1.

Number 1.

I’ve chosen a next to me crib, this has worked a treat. Scrap your moses baskets and buy one of these. These will last until your baby basically grows out of it and trust me that could be at least a year,a moses basket will probably last you a few months. You can adjust it to different heights and angles, which we loved because can you image drinking a bottle of milk and lying flat on your back? We tilted it so Zac’s feet angled lower than his head and found he was a lot more comfortable. And don’t forget the name ‘next to me’ you simply attach it around your bed or mattress and your baby is safe and right next to you. Saves you from getting out of bed and you keep warm whilst tending to your baby. Sounds great right? click the image above to buy! It also comes with a mattress and removable and washable linings.

Number 2.

Number 2.

I’ve chosen the tommee tippee perfect prep machine. Who ever invented this needs a pat on the back. Seriously. I was breastfeeding for the first two months and my mum mentioned this machine to me when I was thinking about bottle feeding, and I thought what machine can make a perfect bottle within 2 minutes. What kind of sorcery is this?. So I got one and yep, makes a bottle under 2 minutes! For the mothers and fathers out there that made bottles in the middle of the night faffing with the kettle and making sure its the right temperature, watch your back there’s a new kid on the block. Click the image above to buy and watch the magic.

Number 3.

Number 3 I’ve chosen this little guy. A white noise little master mind. When we first played this, oh my God we thought no way are we going to sleep with this but now we cant go to sleep without it. This cuddly toy is more powerful than you think and WILL help your baby to go to sleep. We put this on when Zachary is having his last bottle before bed so he knows its bedtime and whenever he becomes a bit fidgety in the night it calms him down and straight back to sleep he goes. If Zac cries for no apparent reason and makes us s**t ourselves then the white noise will come on automatically. God send, click on the image above to buy and have a peaceful night. Your welcome.

Number 4.

Number 4 I’ve chosen the bottle steriliser. We had one from boots but unfortunately it kept tripping our power out downstairs, yeah not what you need. This one you use your microwave. Simple. We have tommee tippee bottles which go into this steriliser very easily. Simply put 7oz of water in the bottom put your bottles in, and wham in the microwave for 4 minutes. Price coming out on amazon about half price from mothercare! Click the image about to buy to grab a bargain.

Number 5.

And last one I’ve chosen a bath chair. We used to bath Zachary in a baby tub but came to find out he didn’t really like to be submerged into water. So my mum and dad brought us a bath chair and it works. You don’t have to fill the bath completely and its mesh so water goes straight through it. He looks a lot more comfortable and could hold toys and look around more, whereas before we had to hold him and wash him at the same time. We just poured water onto him and scrubbed him with a flannel and his baby wash. Perfect. So again click on the image above and buy make bath time fun.

So there’s my top 5 products I would recommend. There is a lot more and I could go on forever but if you have questions or have anything else on your mind to get, I’m more than happy to answer your queries. Remember you don’t have to buy everything new. Do some searching and have a peak on facebook market, your doing a mum a favour for getting whatever your buying out of her house, and she’s doing you a favour on a cheap deal. Happy shopping!

Mute button.

^^^ You know what this is? ^^^

We call it a ‘Peaceifier’. I can hear the birds chirping now. What did we do when we didn’t have one? We wasn’t these type of parents that was against the whole dummy idea. But we kinda was. Yes hands up I didn’t want my boy to have a dummy, we was doing so well just rocking him to sleep and feeding him. I just hated seeing newborns with dummies in their mouth, but this one day, I don’t know what upset him but he truly was upset.

He was about a month old when we decided it was time. When he did cry we literally did what parents do and kept him warm, safe and made sure he had a full belly. A dummy never crossed my mind when he was so young, he just didn’t need it. A few people did ask “haven’t you got a dummy?”, well no, not every baby has one. Some mums can back me up on this right?

Well until this night! Jamie was working away on site for the first time and I had the first night alone. So I went to go visit my Mum and Dad. We was having a normal night, watched a bit of tv, had tea and was having a laugh. Zac started crying, nothing out the ordinary, so I started rocking him and trying to calm him down. Strange, he wasn’t calming down. Mum asked to try and she was walking all around downstairs, weaving in and out of the kitchen to the living room. Back forth back forth. Still crying, what the hell was going off. Then my dad said i’ll try, this resulting in dad carefully walking up and down the stairs with him. Nothing was working, he was crying that much we had to strip him down to his nappy and just lay him on the floor. Feeling so hopeless, I had no clue what was wrong we tried everything and he was still full on crying. How can something so small cry for so long!. It got to the point where I told mum I’m going home. So we packed everything away and put Zachary in his car seat, still crying. I put him in the car and all I can remember is my dad saying

“I think it may be time for a dummy”

Ahhh! He said the ‘D’ word!, I thought nope stick to your guns, a drive home will calm him down. And finally the crying stopped, I also thought this is too good to be true so I went the long way home. Got home went through the door and boom! he was off again. OH MY DAYS! My ears were ringing, I was nearly crying, I had no one to help but did I want the help? I just wanted to sort this one myself, come on Teegan your his mum you should know what to do. So I thought maybe a warm bath would work, horribly I had to leave him in his bouncer crying whilst I got all the bath stuff ready. Personally I think I made the situation worse. The bath was not enjoyable and he was starting to go bright red. Right what now? I just put him into bed thinking if anyone would put me into bed after i’ve been crying I would go straight to sleep. And you would of never of guessed, he went to sleep. Well I suppose I should of known, mummy’s boy when it comes to sleep. Finally!

But now I didn’t dare move, after all that work I don’t want to disturb him now, so quietly got dressed in my pjs (took a sneaky picture of him) and we went to sleep. See dad he didn’t need a dummy. Feeling all smug, we had a good night sleep. Good night sleep nowadays is a 4 hours nap then feed then another 4 hours. Until the next day quickly came around and he was cry cry cry. Jamie was home and I just thought we have to try a dummy, he might not even like it. So Jamie did the honors and oh my… he was sucking on it like i’ve never seen before. I didn’t really know how to feel. I felt sad that I have kinda just let go and didn’t try hard enough, but also felt a big weight of my shoulders. The battles we was having with him to try and get him to sleep or just to calm him down have finally gone. I said to Jamie, ok I don’t want him to have a dummy all the time, just when he wants naps and bedtime. Hands up again, every time he cried we put the dummy in his mouth. Trust me it works so well, its a comfort thing and if he didn’t have that in his mouth then he would be falling asleep on my boob. So Dad you was right (he’ll love me for saying that) and yes it was hard but no I don’t regret it.

Link below are the dummies I use now. Enjoy the peace just click on the dummies and let your head rest.

What’s happened to my baby’s face?

Where do I start. I didn’t even know this was a thing until it happened. It started as one little red spot, to loads all over his cheeks, forehead and chin. It can appear any time from birth up to a few weeks after the baby is born. It’s bumpy and can be the same colour as the baby’s skin, or a light pink colour.

It started when Zac only had a few spots then they would disappear. I didn’t really think anything of it, until more and more came. At this point the health visitor was still coming to the house and obviously I had to ask what the hell was going on with my baby’s skin. I was on ‘Doctor Google’ and that was telling me all sorts, showing me different types of rashes, spots and eczema. Well I thought the poor kid had all of them. The health visitor came, did all her checks and that was it, she couldn’t see what was up with his skin. So before she could even pack anything away I said ” Could you please tell me why my baby looks like a hormonal teenager”

She literally just went “oh don’t worry it happens to most babies”. My God don’t they think to tell new mums these things. I thought it was because I’m breathing on his sensitive skin it was flaring up bad. When there’s something up with your baby you always think ‘what have I done’ or ‘what have I done differently in the past few days’ Well it was partly my fault but there was nothing I could do about it. Breastfed babies are more likely to get baby acne because you are passing your hormones through your milk. Makes sense doesn’t it? … OMG so your telling me I’m causing his acne when he’s meant to have soft baby skin. This was awful. However she reassured me that it will disappear when he reaches 6 months! AHHHH! this conversation isn’t going the way I planned.

So ‘Doctor Google’ came back out and I was searching high and low on how I can get rid of this so called ‘baby acne’. First of all a lot of sites say don’t do anything and I know their skin is new, but I couldn’t just leave it. People visiting us started saying ‘oh he’s got a rash or something on his face’. Well excuse me Mr/Mrs know it all, but i’ll inform you its actually ‘baby acne’ and most babies get it. I needed to get this off his face. I Googled all day and all night and I found on a mum forum that this lady used ‘Aveeno Baby soothing relief cream’. Right okay, I can get that in the uk? Amazon, great!

Click the link above to have a look what I’m talking about. I also use it on my own face and its amazing! Products made for babies are the best ones to use on yourself.

Surprisingly affordable for how big the bottle is. Morning and night I put this cream on his face, its says its good for eczema too. And within 2 weeks my boy had his newborn baby skin back. I still haven’t till this day stopped using it even now I’m formula feeding, every night we do a baby massage with it all over his body to protect his sensitive skin. Trust me babies skin is worth protecting it goes through a lot in the first few months. It is also true, babies bottoms really are so smoooooooooth!!

‘Superheroes’

Your first trip out. WOW!

Who would of thought going to the supermarket would be a obstacle course. Gone were the days where you just put your shoes on, coat, and grab your car keys and nip out. Long gone. It came to the point where we needed food in the house, we was rationing like we was in 1940. Ok so we needed to go, I mean Jamie could of gone by himself, but I needed some fresh air. Zac was about 5 days old, yes I was still very sore but if I didn’t go out then I would of been tearing up the carpet. So what did we need? Everything.

  • Changing bag. Making sure we had nappies incase he does a poop. Baby wipes for all purposes. Spare clothes incase we didn’t put the nappy on right, remember we are new parents. Hand sanitizer, cause you don’t know what waits for you. And a muslin cloth or bib, for the messy eater I’ve created.
  • I also had a bottle bag, and at that time I was breastfeeding and expressing. (Yes I know, would of just been easier to whip a boob out but no way was I confident enough to do that, as I said in my other blog) So the night before I expressed and kept it in the fridge over night. I was using medela bottles as the teat acts like a nipple so perfect for breast fed babies. (link below) However we had to pack the bottle with the milk in, plus the teat to screw on top. Also a ice pack to keep the milk cool.
  • Baby. Don’t forget the baby, we had to make sure he had a clean nappy, and warm clothes on. We was told that you dress your baby as you would yourself but with one extra layer. So we used to dress him in a vest top, baby grow, socks over the baby grow and a coat. Yes I am quite a cold person, plus I prefer to see a baby snug than looking uncovered and cold. It was winter I must add.
  • Oh, and you’ve got to get yourself ready. I had to put layers on because I haven’t got a human radiator inside me now. Breast pads on because my lord they was out of control. A maternity pad, trust me there a god send aka life saver. And you’ve got to make yourself look half decent because you don’t want to scare off everyone in Tesco. So a little bit of mascara and bronzer, hair put back and looking sort of ok.

Click the Picture below to purchase Medela bottles, teats and storage bags!

So, easy right? Ha no. Now you have to pack everything into the car including the pram. And also try and get in yourself. Then finally its the 15 minute drive down to the supermarket, and it all starts again. Everything you’ve put into the car you’ve got to take out. Pram first, could we remember how to put the bloody thing up? we had loads of practise before Zachary was here but why does it always seem when your out there’s pressure. I mean its only a pram how hard can it be! We managed, bottle bag in the basket the changing bag over the handles, and the baby is in. Remember to lock your car and off you go. Zac was asleep all the way round which was a good thing because I wouldn’t want a screaming baby whilst doing our food shop.

Me and Jamie didn’t really think, but most supermarkets do have trollies that have built in shelfs for your car seat, or have a baby seat in them. But we didn’t know this at the time and we ended up doing single file round Tesco. You couldn’t walk side by side because you would be pushing everyone out the way like a snow plough. We did the full shop and maybe more, you can never go into a supermarket and not get some extra cheese straws. Then it was time to get everything into the car, baby, pram, shopping and ourselves. We made it!

So the half an hour journey, now takes a good hour and a half. God knows what would of happened if he woke up hungry, or he did do a poop. Well it would of put an extra half an hour on, put it that way. However, after a few trips out you’ve got this, you’ve become the ultimate bag lady. Juggling bottles, nappies and your shopping all on one arm and pushing the pram in the other. Mums are now superhero’s I would call us ‘The mighty bag lady’s’, strong, mighty and can lift 2 times their weight. Or you could just get your shopping delivered. A LOT easier!!.

A crying baby is the best form of birth control.

When your baby cries and cries its hard not to take it personally. But what I’ve realised is sometimes non-stop crying is absolutely normal. They say you’ll know what your baby cry is after a couple of weeks, but truthfully I still have no f***ing clue.

The first few days you think your babies cry is cute and soft and thinking ‘oh this isn’t too bad’, until they’re doing it all night. One night Zachary went to sleep (we took him to bed when we went, at 10pm). He started crying the roof down. I’ve never jumped up so quick from my sleep in my life. To be honest the first few days you forget your baby is actually here, all of sudden this noise you’ve never come across before in the middle of the night has just suddenly awoken you. And up you get. I grabbed Zac and started cuddling him, rocking him and talking to him. Were these working? No. AHH! Jamie was trying to sleep so I thought the only move I can do is go downstairs and sort this baby out. In darkness with the only light coming from my phone, I carefully walked downstairs into the living room. Still crying. Right lets go down the list.

  • Has he got a dirty nappy? no, but I still changed it anyway, that didn’t work.
  • Empty tummy, wouldn’t take any more food, that didn’t work.
  • White noise, was probably just making it worse, turned that off.
  • Too warm or too cold , well he had a vest top and a baby grow on, he was fine.
  • Motion, maybe being in my arms is what he needs? Nope.

Well what now?! I’ve tried everything in the book. I ended staying up till 4am and he finally went to sleep in his rocker. I got some sleep and Jamie came downstairs and kindly took over. But could I sleep, HA no, I don’t want to sleep like a baby I want to sleep like my fiancé. There’s just this mothers instinct to watch over your baby even when they’re in safe hands, to be honest I still can’t relax now when I am not with my baby. So running on 5 hours sleep surprisingly I was feeling okay. Your body gets used to the lack of sleep after a bit don’t worry.

Some mothers out there are pros, as soon as their baby cries they know straight away what its for. Me? I flap and just stare at him saying to my new mother instincts “come on tell me why my baby is crying”. He’s staring at me, I’m staring at him, both thinking what the hell the other one is doing. Sometimes he even paused to probably say “well come on women do your job”. Sometimes I did have a cry and sat back and thought ‘I can’t do this’. But Jamie was always by my side and made sure I rested when I did and he was always there for a cuddle when I did feel down.

Your midwife will mention about postnatal depression. Don’t take it for granted, I kind of just shrugged it off and brushed that past me. Approximately 58% of new mothers with PND did not seek medical help. This was often due to them not understanding the condition or fearing the consequences of reporting the problem. But when I was feeling low and thought I couldn’t look after my son, I didn’t want to think that I couldn’t. Personally I think its the crying that gets to most mums and dads, yes it is hard and it is challenging, but what you’ve got to remember is that this little human loves you and relies on you. The world is big and scary and all they need is their parents. They can smell and recognise your voice, they’re clever yanno. Sometimes you just don’t know what your baby is crying about and sometimes you have to walk up and down the stairs with them to calm them down, but most importantly you have to keep calm too. You’ll only make it worse because they can feel exactly what your feeling and bounce off you. Get family to help, go out for a walk or even a drive, this will calm you down and also give your baby a different sense of motions and smells.

I still get spells now when Zac is constantly crying and I’ve done everything I can and nothing seems to work so I just have to hold him close and walk around the house until he’s calmed down. What I don’t remember is that he’s still young and finding all new ways to try and communicate to me. One day I will get this and I’ll never give up, this is my baby and he relies on me to look after him and that is what I’ll do. There’s loads of help out there, even doctor Google did some bits. There is also a lot of mum forums you can join, and don’t be afraid to contact a person you know because we’ve all been there. If you have any questions you would like to ask me, go ahead and I promise I’ll answer them. Friend to a friend, mum to a mum.

Splish! Splash! I was taking a bath!

BATHTIME! oh your first bath, how exciting! You get told not to bath your baby for the first couple of days. Apparently they only need a plain water top to toe wash, we didn’t give Zachary his first bath until he was about a week old. These are just some of reasons why it had too be sooner.

When you’ve been up in pitch black trying to feed your baby, milk goes everywhere. After a good feed your baby will stop, have glazed cherry eyes, a little smirk and a milk beard. If they could talk they would say “oooo that’s some good ass milk”. But within seconds your baby is back in the room, you’ve wiped off the sloppy, stringy milk beard and realised some milk has travelled a little further than the beard area. It has gone into the rolls of the neck. Jamie and I called this ‘milk neck’. He started having a smelly neck because milk used to collect there, and it used to dry like rubber shavings. We couldn’t have this anymore, a baby wipe was just not serving its purpose in that area.

Milk drunk face without the beard.

As you’ve probably been told before, your babies first poop (meconium) is sticky, dark green and tar like. Odourless I would add too. When people tell you this you think they’re over reacting but trust me. Gip? I’ve never seen anything like it! Its so hard to clean up, its like hot wax! So yeah, we was at home and Zac did a big oopsie of the green tar substance. And as awful as it sounds I couldn’t clean this little bit off his testicles. Poor lad.

Finally, the umbilical cord. You get told it will fall off in its own time. After a week you’ll want this thing to come off! You try your best to keep it clean and dry, but it started to smell. BAD. What no one tells you is this is basically dying flesh, isn’t it? It was inside of you giving your baby the goodness they needed but now its been cut off by its source, its going to die. Y-U-C-K. Some cords fall off sooner than others but if your wondering where a strange stench is coming from, its the cord. If not maybe your partner has passed some gas and blaming it on the baby.

So… time for a bath! A serious deep clean.

Things you’ll need at hand before you even start undressing your baby are:

  • Bath tub or chair
  • Baby wash (if you want to use some – we used Johnsons)
  • Baby hair wash (again if want too)
  • Flannel (we used this to keep him warm, we just placed it over his belly and poured the water on him)
  • Towel
  • Thermometer
  • Entertainment (for example lights for little ones to look at or toys for older ones to hold) this makes bath time a fun and relaxed place.
  • Jug

We had no clue what we were doing, put it that way. We squirted a little bit of baby wash in the tub, made sure it was the right temperature and just plonked him in slowly. His little face was a picture. I suppose this was new for all of us. But did he cry! Oh my gosh, not what I expected our first bath would be like. I thought it would be a nice bubble bath with a baby smiling and floating, having a little baby spa moment, but oh my, no no no. Even though he needed a deep clean and a good soak, it wasn’t happening. So we tried calming him down, talking to him, Jamie had a good grip on him so he felt safe, but he wasn’t having it. We managed to clean his milk neck and the little bit of poop off and tried to keep his cord dry, and we ended bath time there. I think all new mums and dads need good practise at lifting a wet, naked baby. Its as slippery as a fish soaked in Vaseline, yeah exactly like that, because they also flap like one too. Wow, that was some effort. We then wrapped him up in a towel, well tried, to swaddle him and he looked like a baby burrito. All that crying has finally turned into cute faces, a gummy smile, and cuddles. A light rub down and a baby massage to end. A clean baby grow and he was all fresh and smelling amazing.

How great is a babies life! I know its all new to them but after all of that I would love for someone to carry me to the bath, with loads of bubbles, fairy lights. A good scrub down, dressed and put to bed, how lush would that be?

Try to make bath time as fun as possible and make sure your little one feels safe. Even try go in the bath with them, this really helped Zachary for the first few times now he knows what’s coming and he loves baths. All round when you know your baby is happy, you’re happy.

Happy Bath time little ones!! Don’t forget your rubber ducks. Quack Quack!